princess in training

wow. this has all been worth it. all the efforts have been worthwhile. everyhting that we;ve done has been worth it. everything that we've gone through has been wothwhile. nothing can ever replace the sense of achievement and satisfaction one gets from the successful completion of a concert. just like what has always been advocated in economics theory, the mandate is often based on what you cna deliver. well anbyway anyway my point is yay! we've succeeded and yes! (: ubber sense of satisfaction and completion!!! i feel like a whole person again. i really have no complaints (: well, i might not have as much happiness felt by him, but with all that, this is good enough.

all thanks to comm for standing by one another, believing inourselves and one another when the going gets tough. i dont know what will happen from this point onwards, but i choose not to think of anything negative (: just gratitude and thankful for the support they have given me, like xinjun always really nice of him to send me smses of those sort. sometimes it's really those simple things that really touch others! jiawen n agatha for being tolerant and ever-so-patient, kaiyin n chun for all those fun and blabbering times (: comm's great (:

OOOH. CHOREO IS GREAT. CHOREO TEAM IS GREAT. CHOREO TEAM MEBERS ARE AMAZING. CHOREO IS GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT! YAY! bryan, xinjun, germaine, bojun, amanda and dear jingliang! (:

oh haha anw i still remember the first time i saw mstan at xinni's house! that was omg so long ago but she's prettier now! hahaha and i will never forget the omg-shock-of-my-life thought that came to me when they introduce Miss Serene Tan during morning assembly to join the tj staff family. i was frantically trying to sms xinni, asking her if i actually got her friend wrong or something cos it just never cross my mind that my cousin's friend whom i saw eons ago when i was like in primary school or sec1 is now in tj AS A TEACHER. hahaha. but anw i really like her voice! i think she is really cool, esp with her dressing!

to the choir, i think they have worked v.hard and it hasn't been easy for alot of them. i truly sincerely appreciate the effort put in and am grateful for those who have helped and supported me all these while! (remember MM Lee's quote haha) this concert wouldnt have been successful without all your hard work. i really really thank you guys (: you have made this one of the best memories i can ever have in my 4 years here.

wednesday mstham said something that really really got into me ever since and i think they are really powerful words. i know she has said this like gazillion times in my 4 years here but now they are even clearer to me!she said something about doing your own part and not care/bother about anything else, as long as you know your stuff- it's like how we sing on stage! man 4 years over alrdy, just like that. i think i will miiss singing under her. i will miss singing!!! i will miss choir!! ohman. they have given such good memories all these 4 years. i still remember the first time i stepped into choir room and i saw mr chung talking to the choir n he auditioned me together with mrcheng! omg so crazy and nerve-wrecking!! hahahah i thought mrchung sings rather well! okay anw yeah, ohman shaowei's batch then daniel's batch then andrea's batch then my own batch. so many batches ive watched come and go. ahwell. it's inevitable to have ups and downs, like in every batch i'll go through different things and experience, but looking on the positve side, they have made me stronger and ive learnt alot through these experiences. like in year one, it was omg so hard to cope with the weird and late timings n school work and transition and adpating to new environment n talking/communicating with those 4 yrs older seniors n stuff like that. ohman. but luckily it was fun, even though things were tough! (: i just feel that to be able to do something that i love so much and learn things from it at the same time is really something im quite sure i wont be able to do so after i leave JC. the passion and love for singing and performing is so strong that it will get me going even when times are tough. it's like singing and performing is something for me to look forward to even when like the whole world is going to collapse, something like earlier. hahaha. man! life without choir!omg cant believe and imagine!

was talking to guangster ytd night and somehow i felt much more comforted after that (: hahaha. before i end off, yes to my dance partner this year-bryan!!!! HAHA, we're cool! although like always noob, but i enjoy dancing and performing with you! :D im really going to miss it!

and finally lastly, it's been a good concert, reflections 9- Grease will always be a part of me wherever i go! thanks to all who has put in the effort to come down! btw i really really love the flowers! omg i couldnt stop admiring and staring at them the whole weekend, esp the bouquet of pink rose and white daisies (my mum thinks that i am crazy) but really they're all so pretty! looking at them makes me happy! plus all the other pretty little roses in pink wrappers and all! :DD

newpriority now after choir is over - study! and get those As and the scholarship!!

well well, to-mor-row is THE DAY!
the day we've worked so hard for, the day we've been waiting for. i just want to say that, all these while no doubt has been tough, but i know it'll all be worthwhile in the end. i know i have done my best, and there are limits to what i can do, as long as they're the right thigns, i will be able to say that the last yr here has been fulfilling and ive contributed. (:
ANYWAY, im sure my fellow choirmates will do their best tomorrow, i know they will. (: today's prac has been one of the best and im keeping my fingers crossed everything will be okay tomorrow. i have faith it'll be!
time really flies, it's like, ohman, 4 years in tjchoir, 4th concert alrdy, so many things have happened, i dont exactly know how i'll feel tomorrow. tears of joy? haha. sometimes, memory is the best thing in life. i'll never forget the first year i had the concert, shaowei's batch was really cool. and now like so fast! my own batch. every yr ive been telling people like haiya, i still have so many years in choir, can get to do more fun stuff! then wow! 4 yrs's up! omgomgomgomg. let's just put in our best and enjoy ourselves and rock the concert hall down. (:

Ohman. they're really good!

*thinks to myself* but we must jiayou! n we can do it!

3 more days!!!!!!ohmygosh

i just read this book and the thing is that sometimes it's so easy to say things without really truly understanding the actualy meaning behind it? like the word "like" can have so many meaning; you LIKE her as a friend; to your LIKING; you LIKE him as a boyfriend; you would LIKE to try it out.see how complicated justa simple word can be? the same goes for life and reality i guess. it's like how they say even married couples of over 40 years can still never be able to fully understand the other party? because we're made different. if that's the case, what's more for friends and just acquaintance? well, one can argue that if only everyone else agrees on this particular issue, lets say protecting the environment for example, there won't be any need to do any campaigns alrdy!after all, everyone knows they have to and will carry out actions to do so.
mrtong reminded me about this statement MM Lee made before, think he said something about having 60% of the votes will be more than suffice to continue ur term and show ur popularity. if he the saint of singapore says so, then it really must mk sense la,though im not saying what he says is always true. so hence, i believe

anyway just came home from choir. mentally v.tired. since things have been going through my mind nearly every second since i woke up at 2am. it's now somehow a different feeling. oh well, i guess sometimes you can never predict what's going ot happen the next moment, like my favourite song: if tomorrow never comes (if tomorrow never comes, would she know how much i love her? tell that someone that you love, just what you're thinking of, if tomorrow never comes). i might just die suddenly, or later or tomorrow due to various reasons? maybe electrolyte imbalance, uber lack of sleep, stress, worry. haha. but hm doesnt this raise a very interesting qns? the qns that what and how exactly are you going to spend the last 24 hours of your life? i bet if i die like later, i'll probably die in regret because ive just lived the last 24 hours of my life torturing myself. while the image in my mind is to enjoy the cool mountain breeze, drink tea, and be with my loved ones. man, maybe sometimes to get a good shock of you dying tmr,can turn your life around. i mean, im qute sure many people will also be living their lives in regret esp in the 24 hrs cos they might have been doing things that are not worth doing. saying things that are not worht saying. wasting their time away etc. there are so many reasons for you to live in regret. but so few reasons? hm though overall, i wouldnt exactly consider myself to have live in vain/waste because i think ive led a rather fulfilling and exciting life. haha esp with all those crazy things that ive done, like bungee jump, parasailing, windsurfing, kickboxing, ballet, learn harmonica, flute, run like crazy, basically doing things that are not me. but i would love to tour the world, or at least travel and backpack in europe before i die. damn i cant rmber where i left my list that i created like 2 yrs ago on the things that i have to do before i die. when life gets depressing, sometimes thinking about such things can help, because you'll realise that you have so many more things that you want to do before you kill yourself. so that kinda postpone the depression. ohwell, it's been a long long journey.. 4 more days to the big day. im nervous/stress/excited. ahhhh,

it's been a long day. a very long day. one thousand and one thoughts came to my mind. i'm lost/confused/sad/disappointed. with myself? with the other people? why do i always feel that although i dn ask for people to say it out loud, people somehow dn appreciate what ive done? well maybe it's just from my point of view, but it hurts, it hurts so badly deep down inside even if i sometimes don't show it. why? why? why does this always happen to me? all of a sudden, whatever that ive fight for for so long seems pointless. i dont long or yearn for recognition, because i know this is my passion, but the very least i can ask for is at least not to turn the knfe around and point it back at me. it's been bugging me for so long. i really try hard not to compare, but why? why do other people seem to be getting more of everything, care, concern? just take the example of birthdays. it's not to say im unhappy and disappointed about how others treat me or tk mybirthday (for example), but the innate human nature to compare sometimes gets over me and it just kinda somehow makes me feel like im kind of a lone person, where other people dont exactly care as much, even for the people i consider as 'close'. has the definition of 'close' been just a one-sided one? like in reality, these people dont consider me as their 'close' friend after all? has it come to a point whereby it's just because it's me that people dont care anymore? all these thoughts keep haunting me throughout the day. ive been trying to understand and refrain myself from getting such thoughts but an earlier sms somehow kind of triggered this whole thing again.

i know it may be because it's how and what i do, that results in all these. maybe i have been too gullible into thinking and believing in the ideals. maybe ive been doing the wrong things, mayb if i havent put in so much into all the things ive done/into friendships, when they somehow seem to disappoint or fail the ideal picture that i have painted in my mind, i wont feel as much a pinch as now. sometimes, maybe it's my fault for being / trying to be the best. maybe it would have been better off if ive just been like any other normal people with a bit of the slack and dont-really-bother attitude, so that i wont suffer as great an impact when all else fails. i think ive comeso far, but now it seems eternity away. for now, i dont even ask for any hint of appreciation; as long as everything goes well and please dont point the knife at me.

GRRRRRRRRRRRR. WHAT IS THIS.

i really dont understand why!!!!! like, urgh. urgh. urgh. she's weird. crazy. weird.

heeeeello. choir again. (:

physics test was hahaha. but i really cannot be bothered considering the fact that caring about choir is now my full time job, not student. hahahah. well, today's prac was ok? the first choreo was rather horrendous!omg totally malu-ed ourselves in front of ms tham! think she thinks that we're reeeally lousy ): ohman, im really worried! really really really worried! sometimes it seems like telling someone to 'enjoy' what they are doing is 100000000 times harder than asking them to hate what they are doing. maybe it's just me, but is performing such a difficult thing to enjoy?i dont understand! man performing on stage must be one of the best thing on earth! it's like omg, imagine all the eyes on you, and you just doing what you like and showing and telling others your story. sigh, think im worrying too much? i dont know, im just kinda nervous about it? especially since our performance fluctuates like mad. tell me, byt this time next week, i'll probably be like (IHOPE)feeling extremely happy and having a great mega sense of achievement yet at the same time nostalgic since its the last concert. haiya maybe i should just let it be and dont worry so much since it's not my concert after all. i one person how to make it a miracle? lol. maybe with the help of my wand and tiara. HAHAH. am i delusional or living in lala land or what man? anyway talking about handing over, i kinda will really really miss all the crazy stressful choir days? though i cant wait to hand over as well! (ironic right) haiya, what to do? like omg As coming! less than 170days!i dont know, but i think i have a rough plan of the new comm? it seems like only yesterday that i became the president. man, one year sure does pass by real quickly. it wont be long till i return as an audience for their concert next yr. OMG. wait i should be worrying about NEXT WEEK'S CONCERT! AHHHHHHHH. i reaaly really really really really want it to be reaaly good. keep fingers crossed.

anw some people think we are so stupid as to believe him that he's sick? come on, get real man. if im so stupid, i wouldnt be here. gosh, does he take us as gullible 3 year-olds? i sure do hope he's out of concert. urgh. i hate it when people tell lies covering up for something they think they've done wrong and still dont want to admit it. i DESPISE IT. seriously. i'd rather you admit and say the freaking truth. IS IT SO HARD TO JUST TELL THE TRUTH? well, cos if it is, that just pretty much tells us that you yourself is guilty, you're guilty of doing something that you think shouldn;t be done. ohwell, i cant be bothered anymore. i just hope one day you'll get your retribution for doing all these wrong things now. eat your dessert man.

ahhhhhhhhhh concert concert concert! concert is all that i can think of! CONCERTT!!!! ahhaha maybe i should go get myself a bouquet of really nice daisies/sunflower on the day of the concert to cheer myself up. hahaha sunflowers and daisies are happy flowers! everyone should love them! (:

ohmy there are still people reading this mosquito den.hahahah.

totally didn't go school today, bleh caught annoying flu bug+depressing throat pain. but i still went for choir! i think i really can make singing in a choir my full time job (or at least something to do with singing). i really really really really really really really wanna like stop school from today until concert's over and do choir full time. bleh i dont even want to study for physics test on friday! anw choir today's been urm, okay? well maybe miss tham's here, miraculously yasa was not as terrible as we thought it would be. ohwell, concert's next week! omgomgomgomg. it's so near (the date i mean) yet so far (our standard/performance). sometimes it gets so irritating and saddening that people dont seem to put in as much effort/dont realise the importance/significance of what next week means.

i feel kinda sad watching this person change, from really close to like near strangers who somehow dislikes each other? i wonder if it's my fault that it turned out like this? the tension felt during practice?gosh i feel sad. ):

i want a tiara and a wand! (: to save the choir!

Dear blog,
WwwwOW! omg i can't believe i am, LIM YEE CHUIN IS, SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER COMPUTER BLOGGING AFTER 100000000 YEARS. HAHAHAHA. i doubt anyone reads it now anyway but whatever la! i suddenly really felt like blogging because like a thousand things/feelings are running through my head now.

context: just came home from guitar concert + concert in less than 2 weeks' time + there is still school(tests).

while i was watching the concert, i had this whole gush of feelings coming over me. suddenly i felt like i'm one of the performers on stage, totally experiencing what they are feeling at that moment. the anxiety+nervousness+enjoyment+happiness+proudness+sense of accomplishment+(many other adjectives). ohman, and suddenly i felt so nervous for my own concert in 2 weeks' time! like how i will not be able to sleep the night before and for that whole week + how i just want to pon all lessons and put all my energy into choir and the concert and nothing else. god, im scared+worried. i'm scared that i havent done enough, im scared that i havent done my part well as a president, im scared that i'm the one who'll bring the concert down. gosh im really scared. then again, sometimes i wonder i've done enough such that they understand what i've done and what i'm doing? (i know ive tried and have been trying to put in my 110% into choir, sometimes i think to myself, i don't care if they appreciate and know what and why im doing all these, all im asking for is to let the concert be a great one. - though of course i wouldnt mind at all if they'd like to present me with one cute little tiara after concert or carve a statue of me of sort :p HAHAHA) -sidetrack, yes blog, im dreaming- but anyway, yeah, i mean like gosh after four years, four years has been such a longtime. It's funny how you feel so old, how you've seen so many batches come and go, learn from all the past mistakes of the previous batches and yet at the same time, wondering if you've ever made the same mistakes as they did in the past. and pfoof, it's the last concert. i wonderhow empty suddenly i'll feel when everything's over. how the past four years, i ve worked and waited for this very day, to finally plan and organize this last concert of mine. gosh. ohman. even as im tying this, i already feel like crying. ohman. dear blog, do u think they know?
ohwell, it's in 2 weeks' time only! hang in there lim yeechuin!